I made the mistake of thinking that finding a job would be easy. EASY. Well, it is not, let me tell you. And I should have sought an internship this summer. Well, I kind of did, but not hard enough. I kept thinking, Oh I almost have a job, I'm almost there. When I was NOT almost there. And here I am with NO EXPERIENCE!!! at all and so much desire to do well, to excel, to design, build, be productive and so little ability to do so. I feel that my brains are turning to goo as I sit in this house minute after minute, hour after hour. Hoping, praying, applying. Not even the minimum wage people want to hire me!
I just don't feel like trying anymore. I just feel ILL. Really, really sick and worthless. I feel like throwing up. I feel like I have made a huge mistake this summer, and I will not be forgiven for it by anyone. How can I convince a company that I ought to be hired?? I just don't know what I am supposed to do beyond everything that I've been trying. I fear that my failure is too far gone!
I don't know what do anymore. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. But it's like, I've been given talents and health, a good eye, ambition, passion, a good work ethic, but I can't use it and it makes me feel that I am not doing well as a human being. I don't know what I am supposed to be doing right now, but I feel that I am not benefiting anyone. A cow eating grass in a field right now is worth more than I am. A cow doesn't get a great brain or a fast body, so all it can hope to do is eat grass and give milk. I am using my talents less than a cow uses its talents.
Today is a bad, bad day. I can't call any company today. I just know I will make a bad impression. I just know that calling them will not change their minds or make them want to interview me. I am sooooooooooooo lost. I am so confused. I am so angry. I don't know what I am supposed to do anymore.
(This is not motivation: this is whining. If you're feeling like I'm feeling, well, now you know that you are not alone.)
